You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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