Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
