There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
