im six kinds of drunk right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
