Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
