Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
