dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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