i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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