She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
