She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
