i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
