While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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