Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
