this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
