Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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