You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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