Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
