mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
