some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
