what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I should be sponsored by Trojan
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
