9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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