I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
