4 words: hood of his car
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
