I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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