How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
