woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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