When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
