we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
