Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
