there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
