Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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