I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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