do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
