my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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