the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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