new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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