You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
