WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
