I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can I color on your dick again?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
