thus making me awesome and them whores
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
