Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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