First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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