oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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