I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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