Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
