She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
