I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
