I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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