So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
