we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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