# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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