I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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